Ever offer your children money, gifts, or special privileges for every "A" they bring home on their report card? If you do, you're not alone. Across the nation parents are rewarding their children for good grades in a variety of ways—iPods, video games, concert tickets and even cars! But some believe such incentives take away the intrinsic value of learning.

Welcome to our Duke Gifted Letter special series. As a special benefit to our 4th/5th Grade Talent Search families, we are developing a series of special issues of Duke Gifted Letter, each with a theme relevant to a particular aspect of the lives of gifted children. The theme for this issue is social-emotional development. Often, so much effort is devoted to the academic development of gifted children that their social and emotional development does not receive the attention it deserves.

The underachievement of capable children is an area of concern for many parents and educators. Although the study of student underachievement has a long educational history, it is more productive to consider what motivates students to do well. Students tend to be motivated when they find a task meaningful, believe that they have the skills to do it, and find their efforts supported by those around them.

Alice is an introverted eight-year-old who chats happily with parents, siblings, and close friends but doesn’t talk much in class. Her teacher thinks that she is struggling and suggests holding her back. Her parents are frustrated and angry; fortunately, they know that she’s gifted and look for other solutions.

In his latest book, Status Anxiety, Alain de Botton, the best-selling author and philosopher, graphically chronicles the universal anxiety, often unspoken, about what others think of us and whether they judge us successes or failures by our achievements. De Botton asks, “Why do people generally seem unsatisfied?” He answers this by exploring the comparisons people make between themselves and others. People get concerned, he says, when they think of their family, friends, achievements, and acquisitions as falling short.

When our 12-year-old daughter, Lauren, began to respond to our simplest requests with anger and resentment, my husband, Bill, and I pressed her to explain why she felt so offended. Her exasperated response, “I never get a moment’s peace,” confounded us. She spent huge amounts of time in seclusion. Because she was so accomplished in academic and extracurricular activities, we wondered how she could see anything healthy—much less productive—in playing video games, reading fantasy novels, or watching cartoons for hours.